Rant - School/MCAT/Studying

Posted Feb. 9, 2006 - Written Feb. 15 - 2005

I only have a few weeks left until the MCAT and my mind is making me crazy. I want to study and do well, but I just don't. Why?. God, I hate always fighting with myself. I have done poorly on my first exams in both Bio and Orgo. This is a key semester for me. I need to do really well in order to show on my transcript and GPA that I can do this. But instead, I constantly evade studying by burying my head in other things I want to do at the time, like woodworking and anything else, really.

One problem is that I hate studying here at home. Maybe I should go to the library or my grandma's house or something. Yeah, great. Sounds good. Will I do it? Probably not. Why? I don't know.

Every time I try to follow a strict schedule, I seem to reject it violently. Like last week, I did everything I scheduled for myself on Tuesday. Meditate, exercise, study MCAT, read for school, etc.. etc.. Then I buried my head in the sand the entire rest of the week! I didn't continue the next day. Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Perhaps, but don't I need to do all those things?

When I do things out of guilt, I don't want to do them. Like "you should really study cuz you missed the past 3 study times" makes me want to never study again. How could I stay ahead of the wave instead of always trying to catch up to it?

All the things on my schedule are like impediments to what I really want to do (go to Home Depot, make things, paint, play piano, read, watch TV).