I am in disney world right now and I've been having the most amazing time. I've been totally patient and calm with everyone, and the weather has been beautiful. But just 2 minutes ago my dad totally snubbed me. I was telling him about a tv show i had seen about edison and tesla. Granted, most people would be bored by that conversation, but still... I always thought my dad was the one person i could talk to about weird stuff. I guess i was wrong. I'll fill in the details when i get home sunday.

All Hail Adderall

These past few days have been some of the most productive of my life. I've taken care of projects, both major and minor that I've been wanting to attack for the past 6 months. It was impossible for me to have imagined that my life could change so spectacularly. You know how you sometimes catch a glimpse of the vast reality? Like maybe you say a word that you've said a billion times before, but now it sounds funny, and you realize that it was a little nugget implanted by rote when you were a kid. Or you look up at the moon you've seen all your life, but somehow this one time it seems real, like you might be able to touch it if your arms were long enough? That's how I feel this week having started taking Adderall.

All of my fears about taking a brain altering medication have disappeared. Most importantly, I did lots of research into how it works and what exactly it does in the brain. I might dedicate a future posting to that, but suffice it to say that all it does is correct an overefficiency of dopamine usage. It's not like it fools the brain into doing something "unnatural", or it numbs the mind like a lobotomy.

I have a friend who always says that we as a species and culture are worse off today than we were a thousand years ago. In some ways I agree with her, but in general I do not. I contend that there are LOTS of things she's not thinking about when she says that, and that what she really means is that she thinks life's a bit too complex and hectic these days. I can only think with sadness about how if I were alive during the Industrial Revolution, or the Bronze Age I would have just lived out my entire life feeling like I was treading water. Spinning my wheels, frantically trying to get out of the quicksand. But because I am alive today, in the 21st century, I now have the opportunity to live the life I've always wanted. I can make a list and get through it in a stepwise fashion. I can put a doctor's appointment on a calendar. I can sit at my desk and read for hours. My confidence in my ability to succeed in med school has increased a thousandfold.

I hope I am not just experiencing a "beginner's high" or anything like that. From what I understand, Adderall should be able to help me for the rest of my life with no need for continuously increasing dosages. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Filed in: ADD • ADHD • Adderall